My Rediscovery of Me

I’m in bed, moments before sleep, and I picture myself choking, choking, choking, coughing up what was holding me up, and a clock — a white, old-fashioned round clock — comes slowly out of my mouth.

My throat hurts.

I’m sitting up in bed, playing Bejeweled Blitz, and I just had a strong need to post about how happy I am that I’m sad. I am so thankful for this darkness.

I’m beginning to picture my desires, the pure ones, uninhibited by perceived (or true but unfortunate) responsibility.

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I sometimes wear this necklace that has a key on it. A friend asked me today for the back story of my chain. I said I found a key at a shop in Wichita and I put it on the necklace, not much else to it. “Everything you do usually has a meaning to it,” he said (or something like that).

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I think about home all the time. I still don’t know where it is, but it feels nearer.

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Bismillah.

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Videos I’d Watch: Shit Introverts Want to Say to Extroverts; Shit Black Arab Fathers Who Raised Their Children in Mississippi Say to Those Children, in Arabish, with a Southern Accent; Shit Everybody Says to Nobody (or Shit All Y’all Want to Say); Shit Mississippians Say About William Faulkner; Shit Journalists Say About Journalism’s Future.

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Is “Bejeweled Blitz shoulder” a real condition? Can we make it one?

A few of many photos I took during four days in Rhode Island with Nic for New Year’s:

Instead of being in bed, I am Facebook-chatting with Charity (I have been for about four hours) and I am Googling [INFP Pisces] combinations.

I found this:

Any INFP who has made it this far in life and not had a serious meltdown due to:

a. being unable to juggle their constant cornucopia of thoughts and emotions
b. being unable to to relate said emotions to anyone.
c. never being able to achieve their stratospheric goals.

seriously deserves a call from the Justice League. Empathman anyone?

Is this a serious meltdown?

I had a really rough day. I was in bed for a long time. I got up, tried to distract myself, but I broke down. I thought I’d composed myself and then Sia gets home and I break down in front of her.

Two friends have gotten upset with me today because I’m not communicating. I was/am too akdfja;dkjadf to try to explain.

I can’t explain, though. I just can’t. There are so many somethings.

I think that’s why I’m Googling. I’m thinking another INFP/Pisces combination might get it or has experienced it and created some sort of artistic work about it, from the other side.

Charity has helped a lot. Of course.